


Touched

by UltimateFangirl125



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Implied Noncon, Maybe I'll write more, Oneshot, Still, Unplanned Pregnancy, anyway, but it's nothing explicit, eva monologues about volgin, i highly doubt this is ooc, if you guys find any other things i need to tag please tell me, read at your own caution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 10:38:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5287484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateFangirl125/pseuds/UltimateFangirl125
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eva decides to write down her feelings after Operation Snake Eater, and finds out something she never expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Touched

Make no mistake about it; I hated Colonel Volgin.  
I will hate him until my dying day, and I will be forever grateful to Naked Snake (who I guess I should now call Big Boss) for disposing of him, but… Something still lingers within me. Something in the pit of my stomach, sitting there like a stone, weighing me down.  
And I think I’m ready to acknowledge it.

Two months have come to pass since Operation Snake Eater, and I find myself more alone than I’ve ever been, which leaves me with a lot of time to think. Especially about what I did and the part I played. It’s weird. Some days I can wake up and be totally fine, and others I wake up in the middle of the dark night, and I swear I can still feel his hand clutching my hair and tugging, and I can feel that dull ache of want that I never understood.  
I remember when I would eagerly devour my food, rich and warm and my only comfort while alone in Russia. And when I finished, I would get drowsy and attribute it to my belly full of warm food. After that, there seemed to be a gap, and I would wake up in bed. Sometimes it was the next morning; sometimes it was early enough that it was still dark out.  
But if I was really unlucky, I would wake up to the dull throbbing ache that seems like a dream to me now. I would look up, dazed, and see his imposing figure above me, completely owning me. As I said before, it felt like a dream, and thinking of it now, the memory seems so surreal to me. There was always something to it though, and I have a very specific memory of one night in particular.  
The scene sets up as before: dazed me, him above me, looming like a god…  
Perhaps that was what some people saw him as: the thunder god.  
And he was holding me by my throat, mercilessly taking me.  
And…  
Perhaps if I had been more awake, if I had been stronger…  
If I had been a better woman, if I had even been a fraction of what she was…  
Maybe I would have been able to find it in myself not to like it a bit.

The scene lasts only a moment, but I hear the small crackling noise of static electricity, and I could feel it sending shivers up and down my body.  
And then, I wake up in the morning, and I walk funny.  
My stomach, my…  
Well, the point is, it hurt. A lot.  
And I would be lying if I said that I didn’t like the hurt.

“Does he drug your food too?”  
“Only if I ask him to. He knows I won’t fight back like you.”  
I can’t ever forget the venom in his voice, that little brat.  
“Well maybe I wouldn’t fight back if he didn’t drug me.”  
A pause here.  
“What a puzzle…”

After awhile, my meals were no longer making me tired. I suppose he knew I’d caught on and figured I would stop eating if it kept up. 

The next memory is one I won’t go into detail of. But I can definitely tell you, whoever you are reading this, that the Colonel has some very odd tastes.  
But I suppose I’m no better than him now, am I?  
Anyway, the memory begins with me waking up in the torture room. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of being in one, you know that they smell like blood and probably piss. But along with these nauseating scents, I could hear and feel once again the crackling of electricity.  
That was before I felt it, what had to be hundreds or thousands of volts coursing through my body, tearing a scream from my throat, making me writhe in agony.  
I won’t tell you the things he said to me, because he used some very choice words, and there are some things that should be best kept to yourself.  
In that moment, in that disgusting room, I was weak.  
I was nothing like I had been taught to be, I was not the fighter the Boss had…  
I was nothing.  
I was obedient.  
I was his bitch.  
And if I told you that I hated it that would be true.  
But it also wouldn’t be.

After that, things get considerably less family-friendly, so I won’t go into any further detail. But if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to lie on the floor of a shower room, beat up and bloody and a filthy sobbing mess, I can tell you firsthand.  
1\. It’s the most humiliating thing you will ever experience.  
2\. Showers cannot clean the filth and sin from your soul as they do your body.  
3\. If someone calls you a whore enough, you start to wonder if it’s true.  
I don’t know why you would want to know that, but there you have it.

Now, along with that burdening stone of guilt in my stomach, I find a sensation of emptiness. Sometimes I wonder: do monsters feel guilt? And I wonder, then, if I am beginning to wonder if a monster contains some semblance of humanity, am I becoming one myself?

Yesterday, I threw up for the third time this week.  
I’m going to the doctor.

I really don’t know how I’m supposed to say this, or who to say it to. I guess I should start here, and possibly end here too. I have nobody else to tell.  
Here it is:  
I’m pregnant.  
It seems weird just to write that. I never thought… I don’t know. I think I gave up realistically being a mother when I was kidnapped, but… I always held some distant hope that I would find the right man and settle down… And when the time was right…

This is all wrong.  
That’s all I can think.  
I feel… robbed. And unclean.  
I guess I never thought that if I got pregnant it would be via…  
My period is usually light anyway, so I just thought…  
I want to cry, I want to scream and curse whatever higher power (if there is one) decided that this was something I needed. I didn’t ask for this! I never asked to be pregnant! I never asked to be some kind of prize, some kind of item or toy for someone’s own pleasure; tossed away the moment they knew I betrayed them.  
I never asked for Colonel Volgin to…  
I never wanted to be touched…

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo, yeah. Anyway, I wrote this at a debate tournament because the idea of Volgin getting Eva pregnant popped into my head. If anyone wants more of this plotline for whatever reason, I guess let me know. Hope you enjoyed!  
> -Archer


End file.
